作文地帶專家點評范文
2014-07-26 08:54:24   來源:作文地帶   評論:0 雙擊單詞自動翻譯

首先,作文的整體思路需要進一步改善,這種短文章,一般是三段式,introduction、body、conclusion。否則像現在的結構就比較混亂、零散。最后一段只有一句話,不太合理。
該文原文為網友投稿,圖片為作文地帶專家批改:
作文地帶專家點評范文

It is generally acknowledged that many families now are not as close as they used to be. The reasons why the phenomenon will take place should be focused on.
 
The reasons seem to be very diverse and complex. Now, I want to voice some opinions. Firstly, It is due to people’s pursuit of affluent life. Because of the reason, a majority of families begin to pursue more money while they have little time to stay with their families.
 
Secondly, with the development of the technology, the living standard and quality have been improved dramatically. So people tend to be lazy and just enjoy and enjoy the entertainmenting time alone with their electronic devices in their own rooms.
 
Last but not least, generation gap seems to be an important invitation to the phenomenon. After  all, the style of communication and thinking pattern have varied from generation to generation.
 
As far as I'm concerned, faced with the common problem, we are supposed to take some active measures to change the current situation. On the one hand, we ought to take part in some public activities with our families to improve the tough relationship or create new opportunities to increase the mutual understanding. On the other hand, we should spend more time in staying with our families and talk about anything as we want to narrow the generation gap. Only in those ways can we lead a more delighting and harmonious life with our families.
 
In conclusion, we should love our familes sincerely and spend more time staying with them.

作文地帶專家點評:
 
首先,作文的整體思路需要進一步改善,這種短文章,一般是三段式,introduction、body、conclusion。否則像現在的結構就比較混亂、零散。最后一段只有一句話,不太合理。
第一段就是導入主題,表明觀點。第二段分析三個原因,可以不只是限于firstly,secondly…這樣的連接詞,比如換成更高級一點的to begin with, furthermore, in addition等。原因中,第二個說到科技發展的,為什么不去從電子設備的多樣化導致人們太多的依賴電子網絡交流,而忽視了與家人身邊人的交流這個方向去分析呢?最后兩段完全可以合為一段話。
 
建議:寫作前不著急下手,先好好審題,思路理清,再開寫,層次分明很重要!


歡迎大家通過作文地帶投稿,投稿均會有專家進行詳細點評。

相關熱詞搜索:專家點評 范文 作文

上一篇:食物的便捷改善了人們的生活
下一篇:最后一頁

分享到: 收藏
廣告也精彩
海南环岛赛奖金